Coffee Talk: Guest Post + Giveaway!

Happy Monday everyone!  Hope you had a wonderful weekend.  Today we have a special guest post written by the most important lady in my life...my mom, Shelley.  She is discussing the "mommy wars" and how stay at home moms get compared to working moms.  We often make comments that end up putting the other choice down even when unintended.  I try to say that I "work outside the home" rather than saying I'm a working mom when asked since we all are working moms.  Anyway, enjoy the post from Shelley and please share your thoughts in the comments section!

Shelley also graciously donated a $25 Starbucks giftcard for a little giveaway today!  Who doesn't love a little Starbucks boost on a Monday for our coffee talk discussion?  Enter below at the end of the post.  The giveaway ends at 11:59pm on Friday, the 13th.. our favorite day since I was born on a Friday the 13th {it explains so much}.  Enjoy!

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A Personal Apology

I want to apologize for something that I have said for years about myself and the choice I made to leave the corporate workforce and stay home with my children.  Before you get all huffy, thinking I’m about to throw another punch in the “mommy wars,” you are mistaken. I still think the decision to work outside the home, vs staying home….and everything in between…is a very personal choice.  A choice that was hard fought for today’s women. I am grateful that I had a choice. Some don’t.

But I digress. The thing I cringe about every time I hear it said today or see it written on Facebook, and every time I remember saying it is this:  “I’m a full time Mom.”  This is usually in response to being asked “And what do you do?”  I get it, there is no easy answer.  It used to be my least favorite question to answer, along with “But don’t you get bored?” 

But now, having a grown daughter who has made a different decision than mine,  I can see clearly that all mothers, working or otherwise, are always FULL TIME MOMS.  Geography makes no difference.  Whether you are in an office miles away, or at home changing a diaper, you NEVER stop being a mom.  Just as it is not right to say “I am a working mom,” thereby implying that a woman who chooses to stay home is not working. I can testify strongly that this is not an accurate depiction. 

Chelsea {9 months pregnant} & Shelley

The truth is, whatever choice one makes, has consequences – good, bad, and everything in between. I loved staying at home with my children. But I paid a heavy price when I needed to earn a living. The regrets, the loss of respect….the unexpected consequences of any choice are not absent from this choice.  And of course, the stresses/guilt of mothers employed outside the home.  I won’t try to describe that since I did not experience it. But I do know that mothers who stay home also can feel guilty, wondering if they are setting the right example for their children. Certainly a case of damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

"Mimi" and Jack

So, there it is. My confession that I contributed to the war against women, by women. When are we going to stop? That’s an answer for another time.  For now, I salute ALL mothers, whose work, worry, anxiety NEVER stops….even when your children are grown.

 Shelley

 

 

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Coffee Talk: Fired for Blogging?

Have you heard about the TV reporter who was fired over a blog post?  Shea Allen wrote a post titled No Apologies: Confessions of a Red Headed Reporter where she candidly admits to doing several things on the job that her bosses did not appreciate.  The post is pretty funny and I can appreciate it because I love brutal honesty. 

This made me think about how we all use blogging and social media.  My favorite blogs and twitter feeds are the ones that are brutally honest.  People can relate to honesty.  My least favorite aspect of social media is when people try to pretend that life is roses 100% of the time.  I know tons of people (myself included sometimes) who feel like crap about their lives after perusing Facebook and seeing how fabulous everyone elses's life is...at least that is the way it feels sometimes. 

I commend Shea for being so honest with her post, but at the same time you have to accept the consequences of doing so sometimes. 

I try to be as honest as I can about what I write about, but there are certain topics that I just can't touch.  If I have to question whether or not I should post something, I usually don't.  You must tread lightly with certain topics: those being work and family.

Sometimes I wish I was anonymous so I could post the funny story about the in-laws or the craziness at work, but then I censor myself because I need to keep my job and I need to stay married....ha!

Just curious what your thoughts are:

Are certain topics off limits on your blog or social sites? 
Has there been a time when you posted something online that you later regretted? 

Coffee Talk: The Great Mom Debate

Has anyone read Sheryl Sandberg's book Lean In: Women, Work & The Will to Lead?  Sandberg is the COO of Facebook and has received a lot of flack for some of her statements written in the book about working moms, stay at home moms, etc. 

I haven't read it yet so I can't speak about my thoughts on her book yet, but I can't wait to.  While many are criticizing her, other are defending her.  Read Stop Attacking Sheryl Sandberg: 10 Things I Love About Lean In. 

These next thoughts have nothing to do with Lean In (since I haven't read it yet) but on the topic about working moms vs. stay at home moms, I hate that there has to be a divide.  I've found in my short time of being a mom-to-be that women feel the urge to quickly defend their situation, whatever it may be, as if the other person is immediately judging them. 

If you are a working mom, it's common to give arguments that daycare helps socialize children, that you want to be independent and have a life outside of the home or make your own money, that you want to contribute financially to the family, blah, blah, blah. 

If you are a stay at home mom, it's common to give arguments that it's the best decision for your baby, that you don't want others to raise your child, that if you can make it work financially then it's ideal, blah, blah, blah. 

Bottom line - there are pros and cons to BOTH decisions and one woman is not any better than the other.  A child of a stay at home mom is no better off than a working mom and vice versa, in my opinion.  I just wish women would support each other and realize that both choices are good and bad and not jump to that defensive place. 

I've had women go on and on to me about how lucky they are to stay at home and that their children are better off for it, knowing damn well that I will be a working mom.  I've also had women try to "bond" with me over the fact that we are both working women and say things like "how can those other women do it...what do they do all day and how are they fulfilled." 

I choose not to take sides and accept the fact that both choices are great and both choices suck.  I also choose not to defend my choice to anyone, but to state what it is plain and simple. 

Can't wait to hear your thoughts and perspectives.  I'm stepping off my soapbox now!

Coffee Talk

I'm a little verklempt...
Talk Amongst Yourselves

Does anyone else remember the "Coffee Talk" sketches on Saturday Night Live with Mike Myers?  I loved them!  For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about this was a sketch where Mike Myers played Linda Richman a stereotypical Jewish woman with an exaggerated New York accent who hosted a show called Coffee Talk with her friends.  She was obsessed with Barbara Steisand and thought everything was "like buttah."  It was hilarious.  Do yourself a favor and go YouTube it! 

Anyway, back to 2013, I'm going to try and start a series on the blog called Coffee Talk where we actually discuss current events going on that I feel are worth sharing. 

First one...the topic is working from home, which generally means juggling work while caring for children.  Although this can affect men, it's typically women who take on a telecommuting or flexible work schedule to try and do it all or be superwoman. 

This week in the news, Yahoo CEO, Marissa Mayer banned all Yahoo employees from working from home.  Everyone who was telecommuting must now report to the office or find a new place to work.  Those for this decision argue that you can not be as productive while working from home.  Those against the decision fear that other companies will follow suit and end their own telecommuting program. 

Although women were encouraged when Mayer, age 37, was appointed CEO of Yahoo last year becuase of her gender and age, many feel disappointed in the direction she has taken things.  Mayer, who was pregnant when she took on the CEO role, only took 2 weeks of maternity leave.  Now banning flexible work situations for others, while she has a private nursery setup next door to her own office, women fear she is setting unrealistic expectations for the "real world" working mother. 

I'm very sensitive to this topic not only a feminist, but as a soon to be working mother.  Although I will not be working from home 100% of the time, it's certainly an option for me in certain situations including maternity leave.  On the other hand, I don't think every role and every employee is suited for telecommuting. 

There's your topic...

Discuss!